It’s easier now.  I head over and we kiss and it’s comfortable and familiar.  He grills porterhouse steaks while I make salad.  We eat, talk, drink cocktails.  We spend some time in the hot tub.  We watch a really great movie. 

It sounds mundane, but it isn’t.  He wanted to go somewhere, but the forecast was poor for the entire southern part of the state.  We cuddle.  He’s happy to have me there.  He devotes all time to my pleasure.  It’s not something that I demand or require, but it’s sweet to see him so attentive. 

I wonder if this is part of the New Year’s deal. 

He blows off a funeral to spend time with me.  I told him that I didn’t mind if he went, because I understand, but he shakes his head.  He’s talked to the survivor on the phone.  She’s a “good friend”.  As he spins the tale I realize that she’s a “fair weather” and the man who died was her live-in lover.  His family is evicting her from the house they shared.  She’s moving to a house in a blighted neighborhood, a dangerous neighborhood.  She has a great job, but like most “fair weathers”, she can’t manage money worth a shit.  They couldn’t be bothered with the trappings of marriage.  The family is trying to wrench the life insurance policy that names her as beneficiary. D tells me about her.  He tells me that most people think she’s a bitch.  Then he tells me that he thinks that she and I would get along well.  I give him a quizzical look, then I turn away. 

The “fair weathers” are a “manners optional” bunch so no one will bat an eye.  It should bother me more than it does.  I no more want to meet her than I want to contract a head cold.  I say nothing, just nod and “tsk” at the appropriate moments. 

He tells me that his schedule next week includes three 12-hour day shifts followed by three 12 – hour night shifts.  They call that “hell week” on his job.  He holds me close, “I won’t get to see you much, but I would like to see you Thursday after work if you can…”

He holds me close all night.  My demitasse to his serving spoon.  He caresses me with his huge hands.  I feel…..

…..loved…..

At one point in time, he dozes.  His iPod chimes on the dresser.  I turn to him but he snores lightly.  I’m not sure if the chime will repeat (on his cell phone, it does), so I slip out of the bed and pad over on cat feet.  I lean over to peer at the screen.  It’s a message from another “fair weather”.  I touch “Close”.  I know the woman, and D says that they’re only friends.  It’s hard not to look, but I don’t.  I walk away.

Later, D bellyaches that he’s working on every weekend that there is an event he usually attends.  I shrug, thinking “So you’ll use up your leave and take me nowhere.  What else is new?”  He surprises me when he says, “I’m not going to anything.  I’m staying here.  I won’t even try to take vacation days.”

I don’t ask when or on whom he will spend those vacation days with.  The obvious answer is “me”, but I don’t want to say it.

For now…..I’m just very, very tired…

When I leave he’s happy to tell me that he gets some “alone” time.  He wants to work on his electronics. 

He talks a great deal over the weekend.  I listen more than I have in the past. 

So I was saved by an incoming front.  We can’t take a chance and head out to the island when thunderstorms are forecast.  That’s fine though.  D had talked about the fair weathers stopping by.  I didn’t say anything, even though it irritated me.  He always made it a point to let me know that he didn’t want me along when he was hanging out with the “fair weathers”.  That had bothered me in the past, but it didn’t matter to me anymore.  After watching the New Year’s party videos, I know I’m not missing anything.  Why would he want them along on our camp-out.  I had asked if I had to feed them, the slightest hint of irritation coloring my words.  He told me that we weren’t expected to feed them.  I didn’t ask if we were expected to provide them with beer.  He would have known that I was annoyed then.

So I let it ride.  I wasn’t happy about the fair weathers getting the invite, but I decided that it wasn’t worth arguing over.  If they showed up, I’d just let D do most of the talking and stay in the background.  Quiet is a good thing.  Let them do the talking.  I could just sit back and offer little.  Mostly, I would just zone and listen to them prattle on, nod in the right places.  It seemed like a good enough plan, but I wasn’t looking forward to being stuck there with them.  I couldn’t think of a thing we would be able to talk about.  I decided that it wasn’t worth worrying about.  Hopefully, they’d visit and then leave.

The the forecast went into the toilet.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  I wouldn’t have to deal with them after all.  I wondered why he would suddenly want them to meet us.  In the past, he let me know that his “alone” time was his time.  He didn’t want me hanging out with his friends.  He reiterated that on New Years.  I thought about it, considering the possible reasons why he would invite them, even though I knew it would be an incredible waste of time and energy.  Maybe he was nervous about spending all that time with me.  Maybe he just wanted to share a great campsite with friends.  Maybe he wanted to “prove” that I was still around, show off the trophy.  Maybe he was turning over a new leaf and wanted to bring me around his friends.

SNORT….giggle….

Yeah, right.

I was wasting my time.  I called him after work (another brutal day – written up for something I didn’t do.  Demeaning and disturbing at the same time, although witnesses in the room could certainly back up my story.  I’ll see if it’s salvagable.)  He had checked the weather on the west coast and 4 hours south and it was the same there.  I told him that I didn’t mind hanging out at his house.  We could cook dinner or go out, hang in the hot tub, watch movies. 

It’s sliding into the same pattern.  Crumbs are good enough.  I gave up on the relationship ever being anything really substantial.  He surprises me when he expresses disappointment.  He wanted to take me out of town. 

Is it because I will live farther away?  Is it because he knows the work schedule will leave him less time with me?  I sigh, because it’s pointless to wonder why.

I stop by for a couple hours.  The kids are staying overnight with me.  They weren’t able to stay with me on the days I had to go into work early so they’ve had more than their share of “dad” time.  They aren’t happy about having to meet the new girlfriend tonight. She’s coming over to watch a movie. The house smells of dog and is trashed. The bathroom is truly disgusting.  The bare concrete floors are covered with dog hair. The kitchen isn’t terribly clean either, with dishes stacked high in the sink. I’ve been gone for months so he can’t blame me.  I feel sorry for her. My oldest thinks it’s one of the receptionists at the front desk at his job. She’s young, but not very attractive and very dull. I shrug; we’re divorced so I could care less who he dates. I still feel bad for her. She probably thinks his house is at least presentable.  I asked the kids if they were okay with her coming over.  No, and they had said the same to their dad. He told them that it was his house and he could have whoever he wanted over for a visit. Belligerant and nasty.  I told them it was obvious he’d been dating her awhile.  I also told them to be nice to her.  She’ll have a hard enough time dealing with her boyfriend once he starts finding fault.

Before I left to head back here, D told me that he loved looking at my face when we were intimate.  It was sweet, and I let my guard down.  Then he told me that it was quite a boost to his ego knowing that he could get me there.  Sigh.  As if it would be anything other than an ego boost.  I’m the prettiest girl he’s dated since the first wife.  We’re compatible in bed.  That’s probably why he wanted the fair weathers to come.  He just wanted to show his trophy. 

He told me that he talked about me to the fair weathers.  I couldn’t imagine what he said to them, but it likely wasn’t information that I would want shared.  Just another reason why I don’t want to spend time with the fair weathers.

After a horrendous day at work I miss a call from D.  He texts an hour later, “Can I call you now?”  Of course!  We are tying up plans for a campout this weekend.  We talk for almost 30 minutes.  The food, what do I need to bring….details.  He talks about letting a few friends know that we’ll be out camping, in case they want to stop by. 

Fair weathers.  I’m not happy about it, but I don’t say anything except, “Do I have to feed them?”  No, of course not.  Who knows if they’ll stop by.

He tells me that he’s camping even though a good friend’s boyfriend has passed away and the funeral will likely be this weekend.  What can I say but, “If you need to cancel…”

He won’t though.  He’ll call me back about 10 minutes after the first call.  The weather is supposed to deteriorate.  He has a plan B – a hotel on the west coast.  He tells me that he wants to be with me.

He’s making an effort….I have to give him credit for that…

I should have seen it coming.  With the better diet and her upper respiratory infection clearing up, the kitten put on weight and grew.  I changed her food to a better brand.  She didn’t appear to like it as much.  She also started to stretch and stick her ass into the air.  Then she wanted to play all night.  The yowling started with a vengeance. 

I thought her food was disagreeing with her.

Then she started trying to get out of any open door.  That was when I realized that it was estrus.

And me with no less than 3 unsterilized male feral cats camped out in the yard.  Shit.

I asked the vet tech how long I could expect my kitten to act like a whore.  She didn’t know.  I looked it up online, and discovered that cats don’t just go into heat twice a year.  If they aren’t mated, they can go back into estrus within a week.

SHIT

The little booger is yowling in the bathroom right now.  I’m going to see if I can get her in next week. 

……….

My dad’s charity ended today.  He asked if I could move tonight.  NO.  I haven’t packed.  He hemmed and hawed, trying to get me out by Saturday.  I maneuvered through heavy traffic on the interstate.  He told me that I hadn’t been paying the electric bill.  I reminded him that we had talked about me paying him cash on the bill (which was being delivered to his new wife’s home) because I was waiting on my checks (I had to get my address changed on my driver’s license so that I could use that ID when I changed the address at the bank.  The bank screwed up on the check order so it took nearly a month to get the new checks.  He had been fine with it at the time, but had never told me what I owed.

Instead he went to church and slandered me as a squatter and a parasite.  One of the people from his church suggested that her friend be allowed to rent the house.  He agreed.  He never told me until today.  Then he expected that I would out tonight.

It made me feel like I was being “evicted” again.  I dug in my heels.  When did he make this decision?  Early December.  “And you don’t tell me until 2 months later?  So that I have no time to pack?  So I have to scramble to get some help to move?  So that I have to risk injury so that I endanger my job or my health because you need me out in a matter of days?  And you’re okay with giving me ZERO notice, after I have tackled the long ‘honey-do’ list of repairs here?  Because I AM NOT okay with that.”

He wanted to know what I would take with me.  Jettisoning old junk that meant nothing to him.  He bragged that the stranger would pay $50 more a month than his grand-daughter could afford.  He scoffed at her government assistance (she has a profoundly retarded child).  I damned near puked in my lap.

He calls himself a Christian. 

I tell him about the conversation I had with his sister last night.  She was disoriented.  Bizarre.  She was paranoid about people coming into her house.  They broke in and stole things.  The deadbolt was scratched.  When I brought it up to Dad, he waved it away, “She lives near the university.  The young people want to steal from her and sell it for drugs.”  I ask what they’ve stolen and he replies, “Three bags of clothes from an elderly woman who passed away.  They also took a newspaper article that she cut out to send to a friend.”  He’s matter-of-fact about it.  I tell him that old lady clothes and newspaper clippings don’t have a street value.  I suggest that he encourage her to see her doctor.  He’s reluctant.  It’s disgusting to me.  His sister has no children. 

Just another part of his life that he wants to jettison.  I wonder how his bride deals with a husband who wants to forget that he was married before (three times) and that he has three daughters from those marriages….

It occurs to me that I won’t live a long life on account of worrying about family and trying to be a terrible swift sword so that people receive decent care!

K sent a text, “Call me ASAP”. 

I was toweling off when the call came in, he asked me if I was sitting down.  His ex had accused him of dating me.

What……the……fuck?

We established LONG ago that his ex wasn’t the brightest human being.  She mis-read a post I keyed into his page; one where I marveled that I wasn’t sure who I’d lost on my contact list until I realized that it was K’s ex.  She sent him a text ripping him up one side and down the other that he had dated me in the past.  That she knew it because of my post.

Obviously, reading comprehension is a weak point for her.  K defended me.  When he paused to catch his breath I thanked him for being there for me.  Then I asked if his dick was long enough to reach across a few states.

Afraid not.  We both got a good laugh over that.

But why do my nearest and dearest end up with controlling asshats?

He wants to take me camping.  Just out of the blue.  He asked what I was doing next weekend.  I shrugged.  No plans.  He knows I won’t have the kids.  He said that he wanted to take me camping.

K calls, “S and I are over….for real.  She sent me a text when I was on the way to ___ to visit my kids.  Won’t take my calls.”  When I press for details, he admits that she probably found someone else.  He asks if I think he’s better off.  Of course.  She was a parasite.  He wasn’t happy.

I admit that I’m no expert on relationships.  OBVIOUSLY.  He bitches that her kid still has stuff at his place.  I tell him to return it.  Then he drops the bomb.  Have I talked to J lately?  No.  He urges me to call.

I key in the number after I hang up from K.  J sounds fucked up.  He’s lost his job….over 2 weeks ago.  He’s not having luck finding a new one.  He IS getting along well with M.  I update him but he’s bland and sad.  I tell him that I’ll pray on the new job.  He’s hoping for temporary stuff until he clears the court date and then he’ll move down south, move in with M.  It’s all good. 

I blew off friends last night.  D wants to see me.  I catnapped for 3 hours, thinking D was out since he didn’t return my texts.  Turns out he was home.  Dozing. 

I’ll see him tonight.  Lots of smooching and great loving.  Then I’ll come home to my kids. 

They’re cool with mom having a date.  They aren’t so cool about their dad dating, but that’s mostly because he’s an ass about it.  He acts like he’s not dating and then wants to bring them along on an outing.  I won’t do that.

R gave me his number, and I texted mine back.  He liked partying with me last weekend.  It’s a “friendship” thing though.  He’s far too young to be interested romantically.  E laughs and says that’s because I’m cool to hang out with, “I don’t blame him!  I love hanging out with you, too!”  She’s still unsure about the whole D and me thing, “I know that asshole is crazy about you.  My boyfriend went to _____ with him a year ago and he talked about you nonstop!”

The truth…when he went to _____, we were “broken up”.  He really had no business talking about me at all.  E says, “But my boyfriend said that me mentioned you by NAME.”  That threw me.  My divorce wasn’t final yet when they went on that trip. 

Then again, he’s not always wise about keeping my identity secret.

I trudged through inane errands….filling my fuel tank, having the oil changed, grocery shopping….I walked in the door and the phone rang.

It was after 7 pm.  I hadn’t even had supper.  I needed a shower. 

It was D….Of course, it was. 

I had given up on him because he generally hangs out with the “fair weathers” on Wednesday evenings.  Usually he’s headed out with them by 6 pm.  He had decided to have supper with me.  I was exhausted, but I put away the groceries, showered and headed over to his place.  We had supper together, watched a movie.  I got home late.

He wanted to know if I could come by tonight….earlier….I could.  No errands after work today.  He was sweet and kind and we had a great time.

When can you come over again?

….I’m fatigued from work.  D and I text back and forth.  A little playful, but I can tell he’s still tired.  He’s also trying to plan some time with the “fair weathers”. 

Whatever.  I’m over them.  Now that I know what boring folks they really are…I can’t worry about them.  “Whatever” becomes, “I really don’t care.  Because there is nothing there to worry me.”

So when he texts back, “Don’t know what my plans are.”  I come back with, “Just tell me when you can see me so I can plan my week.  Don’t want to tie up a night thinking I’ll see you when you have plans.”

Whoopsie

Didn’t mean to make you think that I might have plans too, D.  LOL

I’m not playing games, just have some new friends.  I’d like to get to know them better.     Honestly, they’re too cool to hang out with D.  He couldn’t get into the clubs without someone.  Non of his friends could either….

Off to counsel a friend with a broken heart….he’s states away from his kids….

He asked that I not arrive until 7:30 pm because he had to run a quick errand after work.  I headed over with chopped, roasted macadamia nuts and a nice salmon filet.  He called in answer to my text, “I not there yet!  I just finished my errand and I’m a few miles away.”  So what?  I assured him that he’d probably beat me there because I had traffic signals to delay me.  When I arrived, his garage door was closed.  I sifted through the mail that I’d grabbed from the box on my way out before I keyed in the code to open the door.

His truck was there.  He must have floored it to get there because I only had to wait at one light.  He’s wiping counter-tops with bleach water.  Cleaning.  Guess he didn’t get that done.  No wonder he sounded distressed.  The tile floor hasn’t been mopped either.  I think about our tiff a week ago.  He bitched about the dirty floor then, too.  I sigh and announce my presence.  He didn’t hear me fumbling with the code on the garage because he has the music up so loud.

Someday soon I’ll need his help putting together the sound system. 

He walks over and kisses me, then pulls me closer and kisses me again.  He gazes into my eyes and kisses me again, “Girls are pretty cool, I guess.”  I laugh.  He missed me.  What did he do while we were not having sex?  He quips, “Obviously, I wasn’t cleaning.  Mostly I was fucking around with the sound system (he shows me the speakers housed in their new box), watching movies, and getting a new drainfield.  The art website is down so I have been finding images online by typing in a word.  Oh, and I checked your albums on facebook….I really like what you’ve found.”  I’ve visited his page, and one of his friends is supposed to come down this weekend, “Did you get to visit with M?”  Nope.  They were heading down to something on the west coast and he doubted they’d be back.  He saw M when he was down in November.  M is a “fair weather” who moved about 5 hours north.  He’s single, black, likes white women (the whiter the better), so I’ll never meet him.  There wasn’t a trip to the west coast mentioned in the post on D’s wall, but it doesn’t matter.  The “fair weathers” often change plans on a whim, and D often lies when he thinks I’m trying to catch him hanging out with his “fair weather friends” (as if they do anything noteworthy).

D jokes with his colleagues about me.  They are interested in the mystery girlfriend because D is so secretive about me.  He’s only shown my photo to a few of them.  Only a handful of them have met me.  He introduces me to them using my real name, which is a bit risky because my first name is a bit unusual, and we have a mutual friend who works with D and who he hides our relationship from. 

Men are funny that way. 

I decide to be open about my evening out with my friends so that D doesn’t get all pouty and nasty.  I tell him about the bars we went to….D hasn’t been to two of the three (I’m not surprised, since the second bar was pretty exclusive.  I’m not sure that D and I could have gotten in.  I’m not sure that I could have gotten in if I didn’t go without R.).  He listens, quite interested.  He’s heard of the one, but isn’t sure where it’s at, so I tell him and elaborate on the Slurpees.  He has to ask for more information regarding the location.  It dawns on me that he doesn’t know the downtown area as well as he’d like me to believe.

The “fair weathers” don’t DO downtown.  They don’t dress well enough and they can’t afford to drink the way they are used to when they are in a nightclub.  They’d rather dance in someone’s backyard than dress up and pay a cover to go to a real nightclub.  Law enforcement makes it’s presence known downtown, and the bouncers don’t admit sloppy drunks, so they aren’t exactly welcome.

I tell him about the hookah club on a normal business night.  He asks if they were offering a type of shot.  I shake my head, that must be something they run on special.  He tells me he wants to take me on a Tuesday night after 10 pm for the “In the Business” night, “It’s $10.  You get a wristband and you can drink all night.”  That special fills the bar with homosexual waiters and bartenders, so between that and the price D is chomping at the bit to take me.  I’ll have to finagle a Wednesday off someday.  I hardly see the point if D is going to get pissy and dump me again, but I don’t say that.  He just itches to get me to go sometime on a night when he doesn’t have to worry.

He stuns me by saying he wants to go out sometime with my colleagues and me.  I remind him that they’re mostly 20somethings.  I think about the one girl who gets very drunk and then gets very touchy feely.  She’s attractive but very overweight.  I don’t think she’d make a move on D, but if she did, he’d be offended.  I wonder if he’d be offended if I danced with my male colleagues. 

I wonder if he’d start up with the drama.  I’d not drink much.  I’d have to drink like I do when I’m driving, responsibly, so that I’d be okay by the end of the evening.  Still, I don’t want to have to worry about the drama and the bullshit.  I chuckle to myself because he worries about the same when he takes me around his friends.  Of course, he worries more because his friends have zero morals.  Poor thing.

We fix rice, vegetables and the fish.  It’s a wonderful supper. Afterward we cuddle and kiss and indulge ourselves in slow, delicious foreplay.  

He has to work today, which works well for me.  I get up and head back here to catch a few hours of sleep and tackle chores.  Before I go he asks if I can see him tonight.

Yes.  I have to work tomorrow, but I can spend some time with him.