July 4, 2013

  • July 4

    I’m scheduled to work an overnight shift on quite possibly the busiest night of the year.  I pack a lunch that I’ll likely not get a chance to eat, and log on to the social networking site to check with my nearest and dearest.  Wish everyone a happy 4th.  I look at D’s page, but the only thing there is a post he stole from one of our friends.  She’s the formerly ridiculous creature, who returned to terra firma when her very wealthy husband unceremoniously dumped her on her ass.  She used the last of her alimony to go to special effects makeup school and now does that on occasion and teaches painting to children on occasion.  She’s found a sweet and handsome man who loves her even if she’s gotten a little pudgy.  They live together, and he goes to pirate stuff with her.  She checks in with me every day, because even when she was ridiculous…I would check in with her.  I wasn’t certain if she’d catch the thread fluttering just within her grasp, but when she realized that she was mortal….still…..she took it up and returned.

    She plans on attending our 30th high school reunion next year.  She requested that I dance with her.  She’s apprehensive about dancing alone.  I told her to choose some music and I’d dance with her.  We both have years of experience belly dancing.  I have a long time to work on a costume.  We’ll meet so that she can do my makeup because she’s a professional and we both are vain enough to want to look stunning.

    D sends me a text asking if I’ll stay overnight on Saturday.  I’m a little surprised.  His last text inquired if we were breaking up.  I didn’t know how to answer that, because to say  ”Yes, we are” would be too easy.  I’d never know what it was that I’d done wrong, or his true perception of me.  I told him that I just wanted to talk, which was true, but didn’t mention that I thought that we’d be better off parting ways.  Predictably, he’s assumed that there’s nothing wrong, and all is well.

    Fuck.

    There’s no bowing out of it now.  I’m committed.  Even worse, he urges me to come over early on Saturday – “Bring the dog.  We’ll go somewhere.  You can stay overnight.”

    Part of me craves the intimacy, even as I scold myself.  I have to talk to him sometime!! 

     

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