June 30, 2012
-
At week’s end…
The work week has been hectic, with a short staff and many emergencies. D stays in touch, which is nice, but I’m still a little skeptical. I wonder if L comes out to the house much, or if he sees her on the days that he doesn’t see me. It’s ridiculous to consider, but I can’t help it. I worry it like a dog worries a bone. Devil me grabs my shoulder, “Stop it! You know for a fact that she’s not there every day. The bathing suit bottom was dusty, and tucked away in an odd place. It wouldn’t make sense for her to put it there. She might have been there recently, but you know that he dumps her every time you come to back to him. Besides, you don’t know that he didn’t put it there himself, banking that you would find it and put in extra effort. And the card may be something that he gets every year regardless. Your realtor told you that L bemoaned the on again off again relationship she had with D. I’m surprised you didn’t make the connection then…”
I have to admit that I’m a bit ashamed that I was naive and trusting in light of the glaring neon signs that kept popping up all over the place. Even now, I’m at a loss as to what to do about it. It’s awfully nice when I’m the girlfriend. L must feel the same to have stuck around for almost 13 years.
Now it all feels like an experiment or a test. L and I are the lab rats in a maze, with poor L thinking she’s running through the maze alone. L doesn’t know about me, which is astounding in itself. Your boyfriend disappears for weeks and months at a time and you don’t suspect that he’s seeing someone else? She’s an intelligent woman so she must have seen the same signs. If he’s made mistakes and tipped his hand to me, then he must have tipped his hand to her often. Is she that naive, or is she just turning a blind eye in the hopes that “this one” will tire of D and leave for good?
Angel me cocks an eyebrow, “I would venture to guess that she turns a blind eye. He hates to be caught with his hand in the cookie jar.” True. When I think of the way he responded when he was caught “red-handed”, I have to agree. K always said that anger and panic are one and the same with D. He felt like D wasn’t so angry about me calling him out as much as he was afraid that he’d lost me for good, “He KNOWS you’re too good for him.”
D calls me the day after our dinner out and asks me to have dinner with him again. It’s possible because I’ve worked an early shift. I have call, so I opt not to stay overnight, and that seems to upset him a little. He’ll ask me later if I ended up working, which causes Devil me to poke me in the ribs and whisper, “He’s getting possessive again. Do you need any more proof that he’s not seeing L?” I decide to push the envelope, and I suggest an outing to an art gallery that L and her friends have been know to frequent. It’s a brash move, because one of her good friends is a docent. He immediately responds that he’d love to go, and I smile coldly at my phone. To sweeten the deal, I offer to come over and cook dinner on Friday. He’s very happy about that, even though we won’t eat until 9:30 pm. I cook in 4″ heels and he snaps photos of my legs and feet, the flash going off every few minutes. Dinner is great, and I stay overnight, which delights him. He’ll oversleep cuddling me, hooking a leg over mine and enfolding me in his arms. I pack up the leftovers so that he can take them for lunch, and head home before sunrise after he kisses me passionately.
He’ll text me a couple times today. He says that he and his buddy from work rode motorcycles and went out to lunch on Wednesday. It’s plausible since they work the same shift and often ride together, but I wonder if he didn’t meet L on her lunch break. She works in the southern part of the county. Would he risk it? I’m not sure anymore. He’s made it a point to leave my toothbrush out on the counter, alongside his own. Always in the past, my stuff was tucked away immediately, proof positive that he was hiding my presence. The wine glasses match up on the counter. The only time there was an extra was when his sister and brother in law were in town, and I made it a point to check and make sure that they were in town and staying with him.
Sometimes he tells the truth.
J resists giving an opinion. He’s looking for a drinking companion tonight, and is seriously disappointed when I tell him that I have call. He’s exhausted the rest of our friends since he goes out every night. He’s cooled on M, preferring to sleep with old friends from school. I reserve judgement, but D shudders, even if some of the girls are not to his taste. J is also superstitious, believing that our fortunes in love affairs run opposite of one another. When I soar, he crashes and burns, and when he’s riding high, D has ditched me again. I wave it away, “We get involved in dysfunctional relationships.” He argues his poor luck, and I resist the urge to tell him that his luck would be better if he were employed and not drinking his unemployment check up every night. It’s hard to tell anymore if he disapproves of D because he’s been such a cad, or because he’s wondering if he could have a casual relationship with me (after all, many of the old friends from school weren’t willing to sleep with him back in the day, but they’re lonely now).
D isn’t perfect, and neither am I. Maybe he does love me a little. I gave him a greeting card with a funny, romantic sentiment written inside. He laughed when he read it, “Can I keep this….for evidence?” I laughed, “Of course!” Angel me giggled in my ear, “Just don’t tell him that it’s a replacement for the card that L sent.” I make a mental note to find the same card that L sent, and mail it to him next year. Angel me grabs the note with wide eyes, shocked silent for a long minute before laughing heartily, “Calculating Bitch!!”
In the meantime, I’m going to be sweet, doting, and ever so wonderful.
