January 4, 2013
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reflection…
He lied to me all along. He had lied, slick as could be, calling off dates to go with friends. He told me that he was working overtime. He lied about being called in to work. He lied about family visiting. He lied about spending time with neighbors.
I’m surprised that he was able to keep it all straight.
Mostly though, I was confused. I told him that I understood that he wanted to spend time with friends, that I had no intention of making him choose. I just wanted someone who wanted me to be his girlfriend all of the time. He told me that he wasn’t going out to events with his friends, that I was wrong, that he wanted to be with me. Then he lied to me and went out with his friends, cancelling dates with me to be with them.
Why not just accept that we were done and let me drift away? It’s not like he loved me. He had said before that he only wanted a girlfriend part of the time. I tried to live with that, but it was painful thinking that I wasting time with someone who was never going to be “serious” with me. I couldn’t take it. I was honest, and didn’t ask him to change. I just backed out.
He was the one who called me back. Then he lied to keep me handy. He still didn’t love me, so I can’t comprehend why he wanted me back. Somewhere in all those lies he tells he is likely hiding a real girlfriend who he really loves.
I stay away from him now. I tell myself that I mean nothing to him. I pour myself into work and home.
The baby we operated on last week….isn’t doing well. There is a possibility that he’ll return for more surgery.
I “first assisted” on a major trauma surgery today, and the surgeon was complimentary. It wouldn’t be bad to cover trauma service regularly. I have to calculate my hours and test to certify again, but it would be worth my while.
Devil me tells me, “You have that.”
Relax…and ride…
