June 3, 2012
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the apology…
Just to spice things up, because – of course – it can’t always be about the weird and sometimes nonexistent relationship between D and I, I inadvertently insulted someone.
A casual friend was bemoaning a broken heart and many of his friends commented on his sorrowful post. I told him that it would get better, that he shouldn’t waste time on an asshole who wasn’t kind to him always and that it would take time to heal because when we lose those we love they leave holes in our hearts….blah, blah, blah…. The whole thing sounded very much like a greeting card sentiment. He and a couple of his friends gave it a thumbs up. I resolved to check in with him in a few days to see how he was doing. When I did he seemed to be bouncing back a bit, making jokes, and laughing that he was filling the holes in his heart with new shoes.
This morning I log on to check in with my nieces who are visiting with an aunt who lives in another state. There’s a message in my inbox (which I assume is from one of them, hopefully a photo of them enjoying time in the mountains with family). It’s from a person I don’t know, sent at midnight, and worded close to this: “You don’t know me, and you don’t know the situation. By calling me an asshole you are not helping the situation.”
My first reaction was along the lines of “WTF? When did I call this guy an asshole? I don’t even know him.”
Then it dawns on me. He’s the asshole who broke my casual friend’s heart. Only now, they’re working things out, of course. I remember the post. I remember my comment. I didn’t focus on his misdeeds, preferring to say “Yes, you are hurt. It won’t be better tomorrow, but someday it will be.” I remember some of the other comments that were really scathing and uncomplimentary. Mine was pretty tame in comparison. I wondered if he spent time keying in notes to everyone who besmirched his ‘unknown’ name. I wondered if he was sitting there at his keyboard, drunk and spoiling for a fight. Oddly, I didn’t want to verbally bitch slap him, even though it occurred to me that my casual friend is bobbing around in the same pot of boiling water that I find myself in.
I carefully worded my response. It sounded sincere and ended with an apology. I have no desire to make it difficult on my casual friend. He has enough to deal with if he’s seeing a guy who worries about what strangers think.
