May 28, 2012
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tentative…
She’s backed off again. When he peeks in the shell he finds it empty. She’s left so footprints, no sign of where she might be, so he whistles to her. He calls her name softly, but his answer is only the wind whispering in his ears. She’s in the shadows, wary. He thinks he can feel her presence, but he’s unsure. He feels oddly alone.
**************
She keeps her eyes closed and draws breath silently. Seeing him proved to be a grave mistake. He bragged to a friend that she had stopped by and that they were “just friends, only friends….nothing more.” She had wanted no one to know that she stopped by. When the friend talked to her, she lied. She denied stopping by. Then she had sent a prim text asking him not to tell people that she had visited, that she didn’t like the questions it raised, that she wanted to keep her private life private.
*************
In her mind it was over. When she visited him, her eyes had brimmed with hurt, her demeanor had been subdued and colorless. She never smiled once. He had to have noticed, because that was why he joked with her. She hadn’t answered when he asked when she would visit again. Later he would joke in a text that he would see her when she “got horny and needed sex”. She had ignored the earlier texts but this one she read and quickly answered, “No. It’s not like that.”
It’s not like that. She would feel empty and alone. That part had died.
*************
Angel me gazes into my eyes, scrutinizing, examining, “The light is gone.” Devil me stops pacing, “That’s impossible! The light never leaves! Look harder. If anyone can find it, you can.” She looks harder while I gaze unblinking, her eyebrows curve downward in a scowl, “I’m telling you. It’s gone.” Softly, “What can we do for her? Without the light…how can she survive? You know she has no..,” Devil me whispers, her skin white with fear. Angel waves her words away, “Don’t say it. She’ll be fine. She’ll find the light again.”
“They never find the light once they’ve lost it. She was upset in the past, but this time it’s different. This time it’s final…..” Devil me says. She cradles my face in her hands, but there is only blankness in my eyes. She leans over and kisses my forehead, “I loved her most….”
************
The sharks waste no time closing in, calling, emailing, keying texts into their phones. I shut off my phone and steer clear of the social networking site. D texts too, light and fun. It arrives while I have my phone on, while I wait to hear from the father of my son’s friend (he’s at a party at an arcade). I don’t answer that one either. I no longer know why he tries to stay in my good graces. According to him we are “just friends”. I’ve told him that he doesn’t need me for a friend, that he has enough friends. He hangs on.
I back away.
Now I hide in the shadows…watching…silent…
