April 14, 2012
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Exhaustion…
I hit the ground running. I only have today with the kids. Tomorrow I work and have first call. I’ll likely not get home until very late. Tomorrow will be a wash.
No rest.
Last week was one of loss and sorrow. My colleague, who I was mentoring, caught her fiance doing drugs. The phone call I received was tearful, “He’s on the needle!” My heart broken as I listened. She decided to go home to NY; she has no family here. Was she giving up? I told her that she wasn’t, that if she were my child I would insist that she come home. She told no one else about her problem. She called out every day and packed.
Wednesday I stopped by after work, played with her pit bull while she vented. I helped her wrap her plasma TV in bubble wrap and cardboard. “When was the last time you ate anything?” I asked her. It had been a few days. I told her I’d take her out for something, preferably somewhere that served wine. She looked at her clothes, “I guess I should change…” I teased her gently, “I ain’t taking you out in Hello Kitty pants!” She smiled and changed and we set out. It was nearly 10 pm. We found a sushi place and I set us up with sushi and wine. She ate and talked, filling me in on her history.
Her mother is a junkie too. Her grandfather has buried 5 of his 7 children.
My heart broke a little more. Junkies are a way of life in her family. No wonder she’s had so many junkie boyfriends.
Then she told me that I was a true friend, that I’d never been selfish, that she knew she could trust me. She knew I wouldn’t tell everyone of her troubles. “You’re true blue all the way, sister!” she says.
She’s right. I held her hand in the operating room, and I hold her hand now in the restaurant.
It struck me as ironic, of course. D was the opposite. I wasted little time thinking about it before I returned to my spider roll and her tears…
I didn’t get to bed until 2 am.
I was sad eyed on Friday. Too many losses….
No contact with D. I told him off.
K scoffs, “That’s never stopped him before.”
I tell K that I’m raw. I can’t “go there”….
