March 27, 2012
-
Another ….
I go in early at the request of my supervisor. It’s diasasterous, we run late. I’m called back to the “main” and asked to relieve on a complicated 3-part case. I will leave almost 2 hours late. I’m so tired.
I have to go in early tomorrow. Surgeon request. I snort in disgust when I think of D. He was always acting like I was bragging about my work, crowing. I wasn’t. I AM that good. D’s birthday is tomorrow, and he has his exam on Thursday. I won’t contact him. The lies still sting enough that my face burns with shame.
My smile is gone. I look sad. I am sad. I don’t want to talk to anyone, but J texts. He gives me pep talks, but it’s to little avail. I’m still in a harsh and bleak place, but I can do my job there. J’s texts fly at my phone, but I’m too busy to answer them. I check in later with witty, biting sarcasm.
I tell him that I’m not contacting D. I haven’t been. D had sent a text on Sunday after his rich friend and her mom cancelled their dinner out ( much to J’s delight since he rightly figured that D was granstanding). He didn’t ask J if he could come over, but he hinted to me that he was seriously considering coming out to the restaurant.
“He’s playing you. How long until you break?” John asks.
I don’t know. I’m exhausted from 9 straight days of work. I will get no days off. I will need some serious sleep soon.
D will be working this weekend. Not sure if it’s hell week for him, but it no longer matters to me. The emptiness, the sadness, the lies…they keep me from daydreaming about those few good times. It’s all empty and sadness. One of the implant reps teases me to get a smile, “You look so serious today!”
I need to sleep. I hope I’ll sleep all night.
