March 1, 2012
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mirror…
The sea is flat….like a mirror….no waves…just flat.
I listen more when D talks. He’s still on medication so he can’t drink much, and he talks a great deal. He doesn’t realize what he’s divulged, but that’s fine. I sit, chin in hand, listening. Every so often I prompt….
He talks about one of his best fair weathers: “C loves his wife, W….but he ‘fucks around’ on her.” My eyebrows raise, because D had told me that C had had second thoughts after another fair weather had a messy breakup. D continues, “She won’t do every single thing he asks, so he finds girls who will do what he wants. He’s nicer to W now. He used to do that kind of stuff right in front of her.” My jaw hits the floor, “C would have some girl perform (sex act) on him IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE?” D nods and says, “He was really mean to her, and no one said a thing. That’s why he’s fixed up the house and yard for her.”
D looks at me to see my reaction. I shake my head and say, “I would have left.”
D nods, “I know.”
Unspoken him: “Which is why you would never ‘fit’ with the fair weathers. You are too strong and too smart and too independent. They realize that too. That’s why they ask about you. You are different, funny and smart, and unafraid….You aren’t like them. I’m afraid that they’ll realize that you find them tedious.”
Unspoken me: “That’s why I don’t give a shit if I don’t ever hang out with your fair weathers, D. I think they are shallow and vacuous, and unintelligent. I don’t hang out with people like them.”
We cook dinner and hang out when I don’t have the kids. He’s clingy, avoiding the fair weathers. Full of praise and compliments…I stay humble.
I watch and listen and he talks about C some more. He’s divulged plenty about us to C. I’m not happy about it but the only indication is my furrowed brow and frown. He, C, V, and T get together and talk about their women plenty. I can’t help but look pissed off now…How dare he? He shrugs, “Yes, we go into detail, but I have to admit…I’m envied because I have the best sex life. The rest of them are on Viagra.”
I snort with disgust and turn my attention to the dinner dishes. He continues, “C thought I was full of shit, but V and T vouched for me. They’ve seen how we are.” Lovely. Nothing better than being an object.
Thank goodness work is going well….
